Helping Young Children Cope
with War and Terrorism

Since September 12, 2001, when newspaper headlines read “AT WAR” and “ATTACKED,” Americans have lived with the reality that our country is vulnerable. Now our nation is embroiled in war in Iraq. These are difficult times to be raising small children. Adults have many opinions about war and how to cope with the threats of war and terrorism. Wide differences across the political spectrum may exist, but despite these differences, all children need special consideration during these unsettling times.

Parents and other caregivers must be aware of children’s developmental levels and capacities for understanding and coping with such intense topics. It is essential that we be honest, yet protect our children from over-exposure to media and conversations they cannot understand. Young children’s perceptions may be harder to predict than those of older children. Parents and caregivers can be oblivious about how much information children pick up from adult conversations and the media.

Media messages and adult conversations of hopelessness and horror may unnecessarily cause feelings of despair and insecurity in children. While it is important to acknowledge the severity of this situation, it is essential that kids are also made aware that people are working to make the nation and the world a peaceful place. Children should be given opportunities to take action to help others in concrete ways and to see not all is lost, that people are indeed helping one other.

Suggestions for Helping Children Cope with Concerns About Violence and War

– Listen to children and address their concerns in a way that they understand. It is important to take cues from kids about what they are concerned about. Be aware of the need for clear, concise answers. Giving words to feelings will help small children deal with insecurity.

– Limit exposure to media and conversations that may create anxiety. Make sure children of all ages are not overwhelmed by what they see and hear. We never know what might be on television or on the radio. Many parents eliminate their use of television and radio when children are around.

– Young children are especially vulnerable to personalizing information. They have a limited understanding of geographical locations and complex issues, and they may feel unnecessarily threatened and frightened by news reports. Children need to be reassured of their personal safety, as well as their family’s safety.

– Death is very hard for children under seven years old to understand, even when death is the result of illness, accident or old age. When death is senseless and the result of violence among human beings it is even more difficult to understand. Simple answers and acknowledgment of how very sad a situation may be is often the best a parent can do.

– Help young children learn to resolve conflict. Learning to understand the needs of others while learning to make one’s own needs clear are difficult lessons. As kids get older, they develop important skills like active listening, negotiation, sharing and learning to wait (not expecting immediate gratification). Don’t expect more skill development in these areas than kids are capable of for their age. As children start to share and care about others, describe the progress you see them making in these areas.

– Young children often confuse reality and fiction. Anxiety can result from their own perceptions, which are often based on single or obscure pieces of information. The consistent glorification of violence is in our society makes it hard for children to know the difference between what is real and what is pretend. It is crucial that adults re-direct violent play to something more positive and peaceful.

– Children are especially vulnerable to distress when they see the adults around them sending hopeless and vindictive messages. Parents should pay attention to the messages of blame and retaliation they intentionally or inadvertently send. Children learn from our attitudes.

– Community gatherings of peace, religious prayer services and other events that give children a sense of solidarity and hope can be important in helping children feel secure.

– Providing opportunities for children to make positive contributions to others during difficult times provides a balance to the human experience that maintains a generous spirit. Make sure children are aware of the hopeful and positive ways they can help others.

Donating food to community pantries may not have an impact on the national/global crisis of the day, but such a gesture may make children aware of ways that they can help others. Drawing pictures for and writing notes to people affected by war or terrorism can also offer children ways to participate and to help others.

Generations past hoped and prayed that new generations would live in peace. If we are to share in that wish, even as our nation engages in war, we must help our children prepare to be peacemakers. We must raise our children to embrace and cultivate the skills that peace requires.

For more information, call Peg at 608-280-0744.

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